The Daily American by John Smurfton Early this afternoon, Guy Johnson president of Zartocksic Industries announced his bid to run for President of the United States. Mr. Johnson stated that his decision followed his nomination from the Blue/Gray Party, the party from which he will be backed. His bid also included the selection of a running-mate, Col. Morris Nictsider. Nictsider, a military hero from the Gulf War, commented by saying, "I don't know this Guy Johnson, but I hear he is a real nice fella. He must be, because he chose me and we ain't never met." Johnson, an accomplished prescription drug mogul, has not officially left his post at Zartocksic industries, feeling that his campaign will not interfere with his duties. When asked about his current dual-rolls Johnson said, "Zartocksic pratically runs itself. I've got a crack staff... and by that I mean they are crazy little crack babies... they work like little beavers. All that they want in return, not money, but crack. It's a great relationship." He went on to comment that he hopes to have a similar relationship with his running-mate, stating "I don't really know Colonel Nictsider, but Elvis had a Colonel and he didn't turn out so bad." Johnson also mentioned that Nictsider is a good Zartocksic customer, his little known addiction to Zarsisipan makes him really pliable. Johnson continued, "Nictsider will be more like Elvis though, he'll be the druggie puppet and I'll pull his strings." Nictsider's "pliable" personality and his hero status should help Johnson's image and promote media interest in their campaign. Interest in Guy Johnson has swelled to flood water capacity from his recent reappearence in the Zartocksic Industries boardroom. Johnson had disappeard from his post as President for nearly 6 months, posing the question, is Guy Johnson a suitable candidate for U.S. Presidency? Johnson briefly tackled this question and replied by saying, "Why would I leave? Just cause I did it once doesn't neccesarily mean I'll do it again, right? But I probably will." Apparently Johnson's disappearence was not work related but merely an unresolved legal issue he had with the US government. Ever the clever speaker, Johnson is a slick candidate. We may only know what he will, can and won't do if he is elected President. |
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