With the recent corporate shake up at the corporate level within Zartocksic
industries caused by the death of one time President Guy Johnson, there is a
shake up at the corporate level.

Acting President and CEO Gabrielle Callcutta, formerly with Zartocksic's
janitorial staff, was recently voted to dismiss and relenquish all duties
and return to the maintenance department.  This in light of the discovery
that Loudwell, a former adviser to Mr. Johnson, was in fact Johnson's four
year old deaf, mute, bastard child.  With this discovery came the board's
obvious need for a vote.  In a 12 to 4 vote all 13 board members unanimously
voted to elect the child prodigy as their new President and CEO.  Loudwell
had this to say, "                     ."  Callcutta followed the comment
with a right hook that totally cleared teeny Loudwell's head and commented
by saying, "This sh*t is f*cked up, man.  The little sh*t can't even talk."

Zartocksic industries is narrowly closing the gap on it's nearest competitor,
despite the fact that they have been forced to stop production of their #1
selling product Zarsisipan by the FDA.  The corporate world is keeping a
close eye on this industry leader.  A source at Zartocksic commenting on the 
FDA ban said this, "I wouldn't touch, eat, feel, rub, cuddle, or eat, wait I 
said eat, right, anyway... I wouldn't have anything to do with any products 
that are produced here.  It's a good thing the FDA closed us down".

With confidence such as this emanating from within the company, Wall Street
has hopped on the bandwagon sending Zartocksic industries stocks soaring on
Thursday with a 12 point gain.  This is a new corporate high for an already
impressive showing over the company's first year since going public last
July.